I often find myself staring at my social media timeline in state of wonder and amazement when the topics of love, sex, dating and marriage come up. I’ve come to a few conclusions from this observation..
- People STILL overall have a belief in this Fairy Tale idea of love
- People care more about the idea of marriage than the actual principles of it
- There seems to be this illusion that getting married means you won at the game of life
- People want love but don’t actually trust it
- Folks don’t think about how long FOREVER is
So one day one of my Followers ask me something like:
“Do you think people can be happily married without being madly in love with each other?”
And I thought to myself….
“ Love is a HORRIBLE reason to get married…… If that’s your only one”
Until the 19th century “Romantic Love” was nearly unheard of for the basis of Marriage. So for CENTURIES people have been choosing life mates with something more in mind than love. Marriage was about creating the strongest unit, furthering family ties, building wealth, putting plans in to motion to affect generations to come. Marriage wasn’t a decision that was made lightly. It seems our generation has lost sight of that. All we can seem to think of is the soft velvet side of marriage. Wanting to find someone to love us enough to be okay with our own bullshit, really. It’s like we use love as a crutch… but that’s another post for another day. It’s like we completely negate the PARTNERSHIP aspect of marriage.
Will this person make a good life mate? Parent? Are they financially sound? Are they spiritually whole? Are they emotionally stable? Do we enjoy spending time together? No seriously… I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard people say they can’t be around their significant other every day or for long periods of time…. Well FOREVER is a loooooooooooooooong ass time. Will we be able to create a better life for our children? Can I trust their decision making skills? Do they know how to maintain a household? How well does my partner handle themselves in crisis? How well do the two of you work as a partnership? Do your personalities complement one another or clash?
Deciding to spend an entire lifetime with someone based solely on the fact that you love one another, in MY OPINION is simply unsound. Especially when we’ve all loved someone that was toxic as ALL HELL for us. We allow our hearts to cloud the judgment of our minds. Because YES, love is wonderful and amazing and necessary but that’s something that can and will always develop over time. You spend enough time with a person; going through ups and downs, laughter, tears, anger, joy, life, death … love WILL develop. That’s really the basis of how we foster and maintain our friendships. But you can’t LOVE someone into being compatible for you. You can’t LOVE them into being a good partner. There is no love strong enough to change the innate essence of man or make him whole. But I believe life can teach you to love and time can create the space for it to grow. So do I think two people can come together who make great partners but aren’t necessarily madly in love and have a wonderful life?