Why can’t I love you?
When I was a child I used to ask myself what is love, until I found out. I found out that God is love and love is good. After some time I found you, and the things I’d seen made me believe you agreed.
If love is good then why do you run from it? That’s something I just can’t get. I mean I do it’s hard, harder than running. You see my God told me what love is and I just happened to believe it. He told me love is long suffering and kind so I don’t mind suffering in my kindness.
I don’t mind working for your mind. I’ll go and find each scar on your heart and heal it with the tears I saved up getting close to them. I’ll let those same tears pour their way to that seed of love you buried so deep so no man would bother to water it. Or so you thought. I will not be out worked. You know who you are.
You must also understand I am just a man and I get weak too. Sometimes I’ll fail to break through and With every strained heartbeat I might not have the strength to hold you, hold me. I might stop looking at you and begin to see me and then my love won’t always seem long suffering. My love won’t always seem kind, but by that time you should already know and trust I keep your heart in mine. You should know that I’ll strengthen me to protect you, you should know I’ll decrease me to uplift you and soon you’ll realize it’s not me but God loving you. You’ll realize I was just a vessel used for him to reach and touch you and you’ll realize it was his love that healed your wounds.
You’ll realize that I said yes to him long before I said yes to you. You’ll begin to understand that I gave up me to have you and that by loving you I love me and then we might be able to love happily. You’ll begin to see me differently, you’ll begin to see the scars you placed on me in your fight to protect you from who you thought I’d be. And still I’ll offer my hand and ask you to walk with me because my god said love is long suffering. And I believed it. Now why can’t I love you?
What kind of pain did you go thru that made you hide in such dark places?
What kind of lies did you endure that made you forget what an honest face is? Who did you give your heart to and why did they treat it as anything less than priceless?
All I have is this lamp. It guided me through this darkness. It showed me where to find you. I called out your name, you know the one that God gave you? Beloved, precious, friend, masterpiece, beautiful, treasured handiwork. I was lost in you. Can I shine this light on you? Can you walk with me until the sunrises in you? Can I love you?